I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
zippers are such a cool invention
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
