the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
