dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
