yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
