Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
