I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
