I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
