Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
