so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
