I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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