I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is wine microwaveable?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
