Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
