Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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