Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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