Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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