I just made out with a guy for $7.
I will die if light touches me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
