I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize