Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i've created a new STD.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize