So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
