The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
