i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Come share oat with me in your robe
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
