In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Man, jail baloney is awful.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
