you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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