My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize