Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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