When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
