I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize