I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
50% drunk capacity currently
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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