when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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