1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
