When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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