I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
