Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
