New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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