How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
