Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
