oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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