I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize