Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
