Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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