Already got asked if we're dating
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
God, I missed his penis.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize