The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
