He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
