I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
