After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
