hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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