Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You need a sexual gate keeper
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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