Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
