Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
