The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
