You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
