Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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