I don't usually arrange sex via text message
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
