dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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