Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize