It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
