a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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