I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
