She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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