STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
