Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
