no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
