I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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