I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
