Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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