Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ugly people sure do ruin things
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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