well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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