chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
