I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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