The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we should paint friendship bongs
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