And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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