dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
