im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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