It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
