super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
