Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
