so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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